Farm Life

I've never lived on a farm. I've never even spent the night on a farm. I've probably spent less than 6 straight hours on ANY given farm. But I'm pretty sure I live the farm life.

How so?

Well, each day I rise to the squawk of a rooster. She's only 7 months old, but she'll let you know it's time to get up. Sometimes the sun isn't even out, but she's busy at her morning duties.

Then my morning is filled with feeding baby pigs. Cute. Adorable. Sloppy. Somehow sweet potato mush ends up all over the wall and cereal bits on the floors. One still requires some bottle feeding while she's busy trying to look all around as her older sister empties the cabinets and decides to play chef while dressed up as a doctor in purple, feathery heels.

There's the spraying down of stalls and shoveling manure. Thank goodness for diapers, wipes, and Spray N' Wash. Potty training is such a thrill.

My barn is stocked with sandbox toys and a red and yellow plastic car. The tractor sits outside in the elements, but it's happy to accommodate even if it does require extra washing.

Of course, these farm chores are interrupted by other household duties that any house momma knows: dishes to put away, laundry to spin, bottles to boil. Somewhere in the middle of all that, I might find a bathroom break for myself, but it would require too much effort to clean the dirt from my basil-plucking hands and shake off the chalk dust, so I just hold it. It's more fun to frollick in the fields to the song-birds (read Mickey Mouse Clubhouse Hot Dog song) and redecorate the front stoop in happy pigments.

There is no break. The farmer never stops. But she is GREATLY blessed. Her heart is full. Sleep is for the ..... hmm, who is sleep for again?

Happy Farming.

Giving Credit Where Credit is Due

Good game, Satan. You really know how to bring it. Some days I wish I could fight dirty like you, but that's just not how my team plays.

Satan is a formidable opponent. Surprisingly, I didn't realize this until the last month. I've often erred on the side of caution, reserving very little credit for Satan doing much of anything.....because I'm supposed to believe that my God is bigger than Satan, controls him, and only allows what He's approved, so technically, the Devil is weak. The truth is my God IS bigger than Satan; He does control him; and He only allows Satan to do what He has approved. I think about Job. God actually asked Satan if Satan had had a chance to check out Job's love and devotion to God.

 

⁶ Now there was a day when the sons of God came to present themselves before the Lord, and Satan also came among them. ⁷ The Lord said to Satan, “From where have you come?” Satan answered the Lord and said, “From going to and fro on the earth, and from walking up and down on it.” ⁸ And the Lord said to Satan, “Have you considered my servant Job, that there is none like him on the earth, a blameless and upright man, who fears God and turns away from evil?” ⁹ Then Satan answered the Lord and said, “Does Job fear God for no reason? ¹⁰ Have you not put a hedge around him and his house and all that he has, on every side? You have blessed the work of his hands, and his possessions have increased in the land. ¹¹ But stretch out your hand and touch all that he has, and he will curse you to your face.” ¹² And the Lord said to Satan, “Behold, all that he has is in your hand. Only against him do not stretch out your hand.” So Satan went out from the presence of the Lord.

- Job 1:6-12

God brought it up! Why in the world would God do a thing like that?! Is God crazy?! Doesn't God know that Job might be broken by all the terrible things Satan could do?! Yes. He knows. He also knows Job's beginning and end.....and everything in between.

Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.

- Psalm 139:16

God allows Satan to test us because the sifting ultimately is for our good and His glory. You see, Satan is trying his hardest to recruit an army against God on this earth. And I believe the folks he seeks and attacks the most, are those seeking God. Like those individuals searching for His salvation through Christ's substitutionary death, or those babes in Christ who desire to start a habit of digging into God's word, and even those who have been saved for years and are trying to spread the Gospel to the next generation. Satan knows that in order for him to gain a foothold, he's got to put all his weight into turning those who seek God, away from the Lord.

 

⁸ Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. ⁹ Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world. ¹⁰ And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.

- 1 Peter 5:8-10

So Satan deserves some credit. He whispers lies to believers all day long, yearning to turn just one heart away. Passive acceptance of this reality is not an option.

I started two new Bible studies in the last few months. Both have me digging into God's Word,  shoveling fistfuls of rich truth in the garden of my heart. Satan sees that. He sees my desire to grow closer, to know better the God of all grace and comfort, so he's hitting me where it hurts. Lies he's been busily whispering in both my ears are common to every one of us: You're not worth it. You don't matter. You aren't loved. You have no value. No one sees you or hears you. No one cares. You are alone.

Honestly Satan, you've done a great job of convincing my heart momentarily that these lies must be accurate based on circumstances surrounding me. I've shed many tears. What if Satan is right?!

But your hard press has only made me more aware of the truth.

My God IS bigger than you, Satan. The Lord is in complete control. The Lord seeks my best.

It's TRUE that I'm not worth anything, that I don't matter, that I don't deserve an ounce of love, and that I am alone APART FROM CHRIST. Because of His death in my place, I am completely WORTH IT. I am completely LOVED. I am ENOUGH BECAUSE of Christ.

²¹ And you, who once were alienated and hostile in mind, doing evil deeds, ²² he has now reconciled in his body of flesh by his death, in order to present you holy and blameless and above reproach before him.

- Colossians 1:21-22

Your plan of attack backfired, Satan. God is still winning. You can keep TRYING to turn all these WONDERFUL things like being a stay-at-home-mom of babies who whine, cry, and have leaky poop diapers, into TERRIBLE TRIALS. You can keep trying, but I'll keep fighting because of the One who redeemed me and loves me perfectly.


Resources: IF Equip: Acts & Good Morning Girls: You Are Loved

I've Been Doing It Wrong All My Life!

Sally's Ingredients

I needed to whip up some cookie cakes for this weekend. Of course, one of my pet peeves about cookies is when they aren't soft. Cookies should ALWAYS be soft. ALWAYS. Most times, I can create a soft cookie, but chocolate chip cookies have always defied my best attempts. No matter what I add, I can't get it right.

But, I needed to get over that fear, so I decided I would make them as cookie cakes this weekend. Thanks to Google "soft chocolate chip cookie cake", I stumbled upon this recipe from Sally's Baking Addiction. Great pictures. Great prose. Don't fail me now, Sally.

When I started to read through the recipe, something caught my eye. Do you see it? Right there after "2 cups (250g) all-purpose flour" it specifically says CAREFUL NOT TO OVERMEASURE. Sally goes on to explain the correct way to measure flour in her Measuring 101 post. Sally, you're my hero. Who knew all these years I had been measuring my flour wrong???

I got out my trusty food scale (thanks, sister Lindsay) and set off to finding out how terribly I'd messed up in the past. To get the most out of your scale (and avoid the math), you'll need to put your measuring cup on the scale and then press the "tare" button. This will set the scale to zero so that you don't have to subtract out how much your measuring cup weighs.

Based on the "normal" way I'd get a cup of flour (scooping with the measuring cup and then scraping excess from top with a flat edge), I was getting 161 grams! One cup should only weigh 125 grams. That's 29% MORE FLOUR than necessary. In fact, this recipe calls for two cups, so I would have used almost 60% more than I should have if I'd persisted in my naïve measuring.

Wow. Yep. That pretty much explains it. Thanks, Sally.

What have you been doing wrong all these years?

God Meant It for Good (...and the Importance of Child-Proofing)

I admit that I've heard and said such a phrase countless times, usually following a trial where the outcome (and even the trial itself) seems pleasant, or good, to me. But what about all the trials and consequences that don't seem or feel "good"? Are they not also under the sovereignty and direction of God?

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good.

Romans 8:28 ESV

This past weekend, our little family experienced something simply terrible. A nightmare that no parent wishes to face but a nightmare we've all been warned about for generations. Sophia, just shy of 21 months old, got into a bottle of aspirin while visiting at someone's house. Like any toddler, she was curious and determined, and instead of bringing her discovery to an adult, she decided it would be best to keep her "sweet treats" all to herself. Accidents like this can happen at any time, any where! We're all familiar with the saying that if it's too quiet, something bad must be happening, and this clearly was the case for Miss Sophia.

Several hours later, Sophia became lethargic and cranky. Brian decided it would be worth it to get her ready for bed early, something that NEVER happens in Sophia's upbeat world. She cried through her entire bath and wasn't in her normal "sleepy, peaceful" mood. About 15 minutes after we put her to bed, she began coughing. Her coughing was severe and eventually followed by vomiting. She continued to vomit and dry heave throughout the night, almost every 10 minutes or so as we reached the early morning hours. She couldn't sit still in her bed and we attempted to bring her in to sleep with us. Nothing helped, nothing could calm her rapid breathing (which we thought was a side effect of so much vomiting) or her belly (which clearly appeared in pain).

On Friday morning, we made an appointment with her pediatrician. Not knowing that Sophia had gotten into the aspirin, we assumed she had caught the dreaded stomach bug, and in selfishness, I simply wanted the doctor to prescribe something that would help her stop vomiting because I was tired and completely grossed out. Brian called me around lunch to tell me that the doctors weren't half as concerned about her vomiting/sleeplessness as they were about her rapid breathing. She was sent for chest xrays to rule out aspirating vomit and/or foreign body. The office performed a typical blood panel, but those results came back normal as well. They even tried 2 albuterol treatments and a steroid shot thinking it was possibly some form of asthma. But nothing changed. By late afternoon, her pediatricians referred us to the downtown hospital and requested a special electrolytes blood test that would reveal any metabolic issues.

Saturday morning, we received preliminary results that suggested Sophia had ingested a controlled substance. Not only was the news terrifying, there was apparent suspicion on the part of the doctors towards us when we could supply no information on how she would have been exposed. They emphasized over and over how vital it was to get them any information we could so that they could start to treat her properly. In the mean time, we agreed to have a tox/drug screening done for Sophia. ---That test in itself sent me into panic mode: those were tests done on drunk drivers, not on babies! Around 1pm, the doctors concluded that she had an aspirin blood concentration of 49%. Although this meant we could at least pinpoint what was making her so sick, it wasn't enough to identify HOW MUCH treatment to begin giving. Poison Control, Pediatric ICU, and a Nephrologist were consulted. We were also able to get some MUCH NEEDED information from the caregivers as to a specific time of day that the ingestion may have occurred --- it had been 48 hours. Sophia was transferred to the PICU where she was hooked up to numerous monitors and was no longer permitted to eat or drink until the medical staff could determine how effective their treatment plan would be. It was so hard to see our sick baby ask for "Wa" and to tell her that the water was all gone. Her IV fluids were changed from potassium to sodium bicarbonate, and she was subject to 3hr finger sticks (which took about 5 minutes to fill the viles of blood necessary for testing). It was traumatic for everyone, including our sweet baby who didn't understand what was going on.

By Saturday night, Sophia started to return to us. She requested "coloring" and began listing off the names of family members. She hadn't interacted like this since Thursday evening. The treatment was working and we were so grateful to our dedicated medical team! As the night closed out and Sophia wore down, Brian and I talked about all that had happened. How she had eaten a significant milligram count of aspirin, but had not gone into a coma. How she had continued to vomit without much of a break until her stomach was empty, and breathe heavily (the respiratory system's response when evacuating toxins in the blood) without going into respiratory distress. How the entire 48 hours before we even had a CLUE about what was going on, OUR GOD was HEALING her! He was the ultimate medic! And even after the electrolytes and tox tests revealed the source of the problem, He continued to bless our medical team with wisdom in how to best treat Sophia.

Bless the LORD, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless his holy name! Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits, who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy, who satisfies you with good so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.

Psalm 103:1-5

Sophia was released from PICU on Sunday afternoon. We were told at a follow-up appointment on Monday that she should have NO long-term effects from her aspirin ingestion (barring any symptoms of Reye's that show up in the next few weeks). She is on her way to making a full recovery. Those things all seem "good" and I can firmly stand behind the title of this blog post.

But there are a few other areas that lie buried just below the surface that must be considered. I am grateful for a more mature believer's phone call that challenged Brian and I to respond correctly to this trial by thinking of the bigger picture. Our God, the God of the Bible, is in the business of building and restoring relationships. Because all things are meant for OUR GOOD, and HIS GLORY, then it's not just Sophia's recovery we have to consider --- we must also consider the surrounding factors.

• Who Sophia was with when the accident happened and our relationship with them.
• The way we choose to build and strengthen this relationship, rather than break it.
• The way we choose to teach others (Sophia included) how to build and strengthen by protecting the caregivers, rather than setting an example of blame and shame.
• The actions that will be taken to proactively prevent a repeat of this weekend's trial.

These things are not easy. But they are the bigger picture. God allowed this weekend's tragic and miraculous events for His glory. He didn't rescue Sophia's short life just so we could sit back and gossip or speculate; He did it to make relationships stronger, which is ONLY possible through the Holy Spirit's work in our hearts!

We aren't perfect, I'm not perfect. Even as I write and reflect on these truths, I'm overwhelmed by the fact that I cannot do this in my own strength. I must release my ugly momma-bear instinct for justice, so that I can follow the example of reconciliation that God has given me. I must trust that God's plan is more perfect than I'll ever know. Please pray for all parties involved (including extended family) and that God would be glorified through the BIGGER PICTURE, not just the trial that we've come through. Pray for humility and grace, and for relationships to be strengthened not broken.

The LORD works righteousness and justice for all who are oppressed. He made known his ways to Moses, his acts to the people of Israel.

The LORD is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. He will not always chide, nor will he keep his anger forever. 

He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us. As a father shows compassion to his children, so the LORD shows compassion to those who fear him. For he knows our frame; he remembers that we are dust. As for man, his days are like grass; he flourishes like a flower of the field;  for the wind passes over it, and it is gone, and its place knows it no more.

But the steadfast love of the LORD is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear him, and his righteousness to children's children, to those who keep his covenant and remember to do his commandments.

Psalm 103:6-18 ESV

As a side note, accidents do happen, but most can be prevented with consideration, effort to change, and a watchful eye. Below are some helpful links for Baby/Child-Proofing a home and other safety measures:

• Baby-Proofing Video (5 min by The Safety Mom)
• Child-Proofing Checklist (room by room)
• Safe Kids Worldwide (General Home Safety list of topics)
• Medication (great PDF)
• Medication Safety Report (in depth)
• Firearms
• TV & Furniture Tip-Overs (PDF - kids pull dressers onto themselves often)
• Sleep Safety (PDF)
• Car Seat Checklist (PDF - 5 Steps)
• Booster Seat Checklist (PDF)
• Seat Belt Safety

Having a Plan: Pregnancy Update

One thing I know incredibly well about myself is that I like to have a plan: a plan to clean, a plan for meals, a plan for sewing....I even have a plan for my closet (it's organized in ROYGBIV). Plans make me feel prepared and safe. They reinforce the fact that I've thought through things that could become problems down the road and I've given specific thought toward how to remedy said problems. I LOVE PLANS.

So what happens when you don't have a plan? What happens when I don't have a plan? Chaos. -Or at least that's what it feels like because I have no idea what the next step is.

This past Monday morning as I was reading through my chronological-in-a-year-Bible (are you surprised by the plan?), I came across the following promise from God.

I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them.
- Isaiah 42:16 NIV

My first thought was, "Isn't our God amazing!? He always has a plan! Even when we are blind to it and cannot see because we are surrounded by unknown darkness! I bet that is such a comfort to people going through cancer, and ....." STOP. It's interesting to me that I didn't for a second think my regular, ordinary, day-to-day life could be part of this promise; that I could be comforted by the same promise in the mundane. But it is a promise for each one of us no matter what "darkness" surrounds us.

We are 31 weeks, 1 day today in our second pregnancy. It has been more rough than smooth this go around with lots of unfamiliar paths. Two weeks ago, I found out that I had failed my 3 hour glucose test, and I would have to start a special diet and finger pricks. These are two things I really struggled to assimilate into my current life style. You want a pregnant woman to cut back on carbs AND jab a needle in her finger 4x a day for the next two and a half months? Are you nuts?! But, God gave grace. Despite the fact that I had NO IDEA how I would convince myself to slice my hand open daily (.....yes, it was that dramatic for me) and STOP eating cereal and fruit for breakfast, God brought others who had faced similar challenges to my side. He allowed their experiences to encourage me that this wasn't the "end" and that I wouldn't starve. He even provided the kindest lady at the Life Center to teach me how to use my meter with the tiniest needle prick setting. To encourage me even more, God allowed my sugar numbers to be NORMAL. Even with my normal diet, they were NORMAL. Even with Chipotle, pop tarts, and some cupcakes (mini ones of course), my numbers were NORMAL. And because in His providence they have been normal, I only have to check 2 days a week instead of 7 days; that's 20 less pricks a week! Pretty smooth path that I wasn't expecting, but God provided.

Four days ago, God ordained another new, unfamiliar, and scary path for us. We know the signs for preterm labor and have been monitored more closely for any indications in this pregnancy due to Sophia's early arrival. This time, we're trying to be prepared --- we're trying to have a plan. Of course, we didn't know we'd need a plan this soon. Monday night required a shot of Brethine to stop my contractions that had been coming 3 minutes apart for an hour. By the time I got hooked up at the hospital, they had sped up to every 2 minutes. Thankfully, nothing else was changing internally, but my body sure thought it was. Wednesday night was a repeat, except that the contractions were holding steady at 6 minutes apart. Both times, my pain level was relatively low, but I couldn't get the contractions to stop despite resting, changing positions, and drinking TONS of water. The contractions were perfectly regular. On the monitor at the hospital, they made the beautiful, textbook waves that lasted exactly 1 minute in duration. It was wild to watch. Thankfully, both episodes were stopped with Brethine. The contractions LOOK real, but FUNCTION like Braxton Hicks (with no cervical change). So the disappointing news we received was that unfortunately the only way to tell the difference between Braxton and real would be to measure my cervix every time and receive an emergency dose of medication. (We learned that Braxton can quickly change over to real, and since I have no way of stopping my long episodes, I wouldn't know when we should head to the hospital.) So, what's the plan? My doctors have put me on Procardia around the clock until we can at least get to 36 weeks. I still have contractions, but they feel like the typical Braxtons - they come at irregular intervals and/or stop after an hour or so, particularly when I gorge myself on H2O. But the doctors warned that Procardia doesn't work miracles. At 31 weeks, we need to be ready for anything, including a NICU baby.

But our God is great. He has a plan even if I only have half of one. He makes my dark ways into lit paths. He provides others to encourage me and at times carry me as my rough path becomes smooth. He does this because He has promised, and God cannot lie. Thank you Lord for sustaining me even when I think I have it all planned out!

Joy-Givers: Follow-up to Perspective

The last week has been quite amazing. The Perspective post was opened over 160 times, and the response from you throughout the week has been encouraging to say the least. As a follow-up, I wanted to share some of the practical suggestions that I received through responses and my own study. NONE of these suggestions are original to me. I hope they will be a blessing to you this week!

(The order of these suggestions has no bearing on their individual values, it's just that the teacher within had to have SOME type of organization, so these suggestions are in alphabetical order.)

• Belonging. This is one joy-giver AND taker that I've struggled with a TON. Before we got pregnant (and thought we might not be able to get pregnant at all), I felt "left out" among all my friends with kids. They seemed to have their own little bond and I was sad that I hadn't been able to keep up with them during their season of life. However, they say the grass is always greener on the other side.... Becoming a mom (stay at home, work at home, or work outside of the home), means losing a bit of yourself so that you can BECOME something better. It's easy to want to go back to the familiar identity, but no matter where you are, YOU BELONG. You have a specific purpose to accomplish that only YOU can accomplish. The sense of belonging is a warm-fuzzy --- a comfort that we often take for granted until it's missing. The transition of identities occurs more frequently than we think, sometimes causing us to change jobs, churches, friendships, grocery stores, even allegiances to sports teams. But never let that "feeling" of belonging be your sole-focus. It's only a feeling, and sometimes feelings aren't very accurate (...ahem). We need to evaluate our current "employment" and realize that God has us there for a purpose, even if we can't identify what that purpose is. God knows and everything He does, because of His steadfast love for us, is for OUR GOOD and HIS GLORY. (....even if I do miss being able to go out with friends, stay up late, take random trips to the outlet mall that's 45 minutes away, secure the attention of a dozen elementary students, or simply sit at a desk and answer a phone.)
• Compassion. A quick way to reap HEAPS of joy is to serve others. Some days, I feel I am serving a very tired, whiney toddler who never says "thanks." I'm sure there are days with teens and adults that give off that same vibe, and those days don't make it any easier on the doer/giver (i.e., you). But compassion isn't about serving because of what we've received (i.e., gratitude from the receiver). Compassion is about loving others despite their feelings or actions towards you. It's feeling pity and empathy toward their current circumstance and wanting to get your hands dirty because you LOVE them. Your love is motivated by the perfect love which God has loved you by sending His PERFECT (never-sinned, always compassionate) Son to pay the penalty for all of OUR sin so that we wouldn't have to. That's unconditional love right there: we had NOTHING to offer, no good within ourselves by which to secure a relationship to the God who created and sustains all things, and yet He died in our place. So why is it so hard to demonstrate unconditional, compassionate love to others? Clearly, we aren't perfect like Christ, so there's some resistance in our hearts, but we must press beyond that resistance to experience the joy it brings to all parties involved. I must strive to serve in order to build up the family God has called me to be a part of. If I quit.....well, let's not go there. It's amazing how many cheerios can end up around the house in an hour, so giving up on account of "I don't feel like serving" isn't an option.
• Fearing God. What does it mean to fear God? I'm still working this one out :) But from what I understand so far, it's having a reverence for who God is and what He has done/is capable of doing. Even if this is just the tip of the iceberg, that means that all of the aspects of my current trial can be weighed against the person of God. No pain, exhaustion, desperation, or sadness could ever outweigh God's love for me, or you. Sometimes "bad things happen to good people," but then we must reconsider those "bad things" in relation to God's greater plan. THIS IS SO HARD FOR ME in the midst, but it's a necessary exercise of the mind and heart in order to grow in faith.
• Gratitude. I've been working on my 1,000 Gifts list, inspired by Ann Voskamp. Some days are much more lucrative in the listing department than others, but that's okay. A friend shared with me that she and her sister email each other 3 gifts a day --- what a fantastic goal! Here are some 3-a-day ideas from Ann to get you started. In the midst of ugliness, pain, and trials we must STRIVE (and sometimes that takes work) to see the blessings that God is giving to us, to recognize and name those small gifts in order that we would remember that God is caring for our souls, even when the answers we seek through prayer are delayed or never come. His love is in the sunbeam that glides through the blinds in your bedroom, or fresh dew on the ground; it's the smile of a child, and sometimes the aroma of a fresh pot of coffee. Here are a few of mine from this week.
• Sophia hugging my leg (first time)
• Hearing Baby 2's heart beat (first time)
• Babysitters at the last minute
• Menu planned and grocery list prepared for the month by a friend
• Adult conversation
• Blue hydrangeas blooming
• Smooth cup of coffee
• Backyard slide
• Emails from moms like me
• Milkshake and curly fries with Sophia
• Sophia finding the bag of dog bones in the pantry and giving treats to Fritz (6x in a row)
• Music. Sometimes it's the words and sometimes it's the sweet melody, but both can be a great encouragement! Playing music in the background of the "messiness of life" is a quick and easy task. Some of my favorites are: Praise You in this Storm  by Casting Crowns and Blessings by Laura Story. (Sorry that the youtube videos are a bit cheesy, but I wanted to get the song to play and have lyrics, so this seemed like the best solution.) Another song that was just emailed to me this morning (....in the WEE hours of the middle of the night by a weary momma taking care of her sick kiddo) is Worn by 10th Avenue North. During the first few months after Sophia's birth, through her colic and middle of the night cry-fests, I would sing Before the Throne of God by Charitie Lees Bancroft/Vikki Cook , Beneath the Cross of Jesus by Keith/Kristyn Getty (lyrics), In Christ Alone by Keith Getty/Stuart Townend, and A Debtor to Mercy Alone by Augustus Toplady/Bob Kauflin. The words of those songs were more for me than her and often I would get stuck on a stanza and just keep repeating it.
• Poetry. Like music, poetry is a great outlet for stress that brings joy. Some find that writing their own is a blessing, while others love the words of others when they can't take another breath to utter their own. Lean Hard has been suggested over and over by a sweet mom who has been through one of the hardest trials I could ever imagine!
• Present-Tense. This can be a real shot of joy! Sometimes in the midst of difficulty, the best thing we can do is go through the motions, live in the now. Sometimes I set a timer --- just 5 minutes --- and do all I can to fully LIVE in those 5 minutes. Living in the past, even 5 minutes ago, can re-open wounds that simply need to heal. I'm not saying that we shouldn't revisit past trials, but it can be damaging to dig through the mire of them instead of looking up to the grace we received through them. Our eyes must look to the greater plan that God has: Our good, His glory. We can only see a tiny portion of the plan at any given moment, so we must trust that God has the rest worked out. That's difficult for me. I often want to mull over the what-if's of the future and the past, and then I get stuck with a self-focus instead of a God-focus. Fully live. Today. This minute. God's grace is sufficient for today!
• Relationships. Be selective of who you surround yourself with. There are some folks who really love to dig through the mire because they believe that at some point they'll find a solution, an answer, something that MIGHT be helpful. These folks are typically sweet and completely well-meaning, but they can cause us to stumble. Instead, find folks who will encourage you to simply "lean hard" on God. Job's friends had good intentions, but they came to wildly WRONG conclusions. Only God knows the REAL reason for any trial or difficulty. Friends can offer ideas, but in the end it's best not to mull over the "why" (although I don't think it's a bad idea to ask......just be careful not to get stuck there).
• Scenery. Surround yourself with beauty, get out of the house! There are several expensive options that we could use as excuses to NOT pursue a change in scenery, but there are many FREE options too. While on a trip to the store, we like to stop by the free, climate-controlled zoo called Petsmart. Sophia prefers the locations with doggy daycare :) Going for walks around the neighborhood or even the garden center at a local home store is worth the beauty! We try to bring some of that beauty into our home by picking flowers and lighting candles.
• Sin. "Ok, Lauren, this is actually a depressing thought." Yes, I agree, but our right view of it can be an encouragement. Without Christ as our Savior, we have no Helper (the Holy Spirit). We have no way to CHOOSE to honor God with our actions. Sometimes it's a good exercise for me to remember that Sophia is a sinner, adorable, but a sinner nonetheless. When she screams like crazy to get my attention and throws a tantrum because we can't do what she wants to do right now, I have to remember that she has no Helper. Sometimes I literally say, "It's hard without Jesus." I can't expect her to act as Jesus did when He was a baby/toddler/teen ---- he was PERFECT, SINLESS, and needed no Helper because He was the Helper. Instead, we must simply pray for our children's salvation, show them Christ, and LOVE them AS THEY ARE.
• THE Word. This is the most valuable. Even in the midst of struggles (i.e., in the middle of an all-out-brawl you need to break up) you can recall the words of God that you've stored up in the past. This is why daily reading is so important: we must equip ourselves for battle. Life isn't easy, but the Word is life-giving! It is energizing, comforting, convicting; it reminds us of how far God has brought us and that we'll never truly be alone no matter how lonely we feel. (Oh, there are those feelings getting in the way again! Don't let them have the final say.)

Practical suggestions won't necessarily solve our problems, but they sure can help along the way. Praying that God would continue to help me look forward, cherish the moments I have with Sophia and Baby 2, and live a life that would demonstrate His love in my life.

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.  For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers.

Romans 8:28-29 (ESV)

Perspective

The past month seems to have been the hardest of this pregnancy. Nope, it's not the nausea, that's under control. It's not the exhaustion either (even though that does factor into it). It's simply the fact that I didn't plan this, I'm struggling to be a good mom to Sophia, and I just don't think I can do this infant stage again (at least, not right now).

Did you catch the repeating word in that last sentence? Here's a clue, it's used 4 times. I. That one letter, one syllable word that takes all of the focus off of the God who created and sustains me and puts the focus all on my finite self.

Do I think I know better than God? We tried for MONTHS to conceive with Sophia. We PRAYED like we've never prayed before for a miracle. Then it finally happened - that first positive pregnancy test! Oh what a joy to receive a blessing much longed for!

This second time around was different. We weren't trying. We weren't even praying (for conception). A sibling for Sophia wasn't even on my radar, though Brian said it was on his. We were simply surviving. We are still simply surviving. That handbook never made it to us in the mail, so we're flying by the seats of our pants trying to catch the learning curve of parenthood. Where is the joy this time?

Instead, I find myself concentrating on the difficulty of this season of life. Instead of thinking about how much fun Sophia will have entertaining (and being entertained) by this precious gift growing inside, I'm thinking about how I can't get food on the table, the living room cleaned up, or the laundry done. Just before we found out we were expecting, my energy had started to come back, my spirits lifted because I could finally DO something and be successful in my productivity! And then, the positive pregnancy test and morning sickness and exhaustion........and the THOUGHTS of MORE sleepless nights, crying babies I can't soothe, colic, reflux, showerless days and lonely nights. And that's where I've been camping out: in the darkness of the blessing.

So I've been on the search for perspective. God's perspective. Could this second child be an act of mercy toward me? Could God actually be demonstrating His love toward me by giving me a blessing that seems so difficult? Yes. The sleepless nights I've been asking God to remove might be removed sooner because we'll get through this baby season sooner. The crying babies won't cry forever because language acquisition for both will come sooner because we'll get through this season sooner. Sophia, who LOVES other people, might be entertained long enough by baby #2 that I'll be able to clean my baseboards, run the laundry, and unload the dishwasher!

So how do I get through today? How do I get through the teething-scream, boredom-whine, and neediness when all I want to do is collapse? Focus on God. I'm still not entirely sure how that really works itself out. But I want to change this perspective. I want to see things as God sees them - as blessing, mercy, and boundless love.

How do you press on? How do you conquer despite the "difficulty" you think you see? This is one time I really am searching for feedback/advice, but please remember to keep it positive....my heart is pretty weak at this point and I am earnestly seeking your help and encouragement.

For background sake, I spend the first 30 min of my day (sometimes less if Sophia is really wailing), downstairs at the kitchen table reading God's word (I'm in Chronicles/2 Samuel with the chronological year plan) and trying to eat some breakfast. I keep my journal handy. I've got verses on notecards that center on God's love for me, but I don't really get a chance to read through them during the day when Sophia's awake and things seem hardest. Sophia takes one nap a day, which I use to also nap. (One day when my energy returns, I'd love to use this time to be more productive, but for now it's about all I can do to make into the bed midday.)

Thanks.

Why It Hurts When You Ask

Have you ever been through a difficulty or trial? I'm sure we all have, in one form or another! Sometimes a particular trial can lead to questions, and lots of them. A trial I never thought could be so arduous has been that of getting a baby to sleep "like a baby." I wish someone had told me from day one that every child is different, including their sleep needs (inherent) and habits (changeable). I wish someone had told me that these differences in kids were beautiful images of what could come (though difficult), rather than promising that babies could simply sleep like babies if we could just get with the program.

 

We've been praying for some of the same things for over a year in relation to Sophia's sleep needs and habits. We've sought counsel from seasoned parents, talked to the doctor, read too many books & blogs, and tried half a million "tricks." A few months ago, Brian and I stopped trying to fight the trial of sleep deprivation and simply gave ourselves over to it. We determined that Sophia sleeps as much as she needs to and that she might change one day but it won't be because of anything we've done. She is healthy. She is unique. She is passionate. She is a marathoner, not a sprinter. Her endurance will be a strength to her as she grows. She is EXACTLY the way she is supposed to be right now.

So if I'm so strong in my resolve about this situation, why does it hurt when people (family, friends, aquaintences) continue to prob us with questions like these:

• What does the doctor say?
• Have you tried leaving a light on?
• Have you tried playing music?
• Have you tried feeding her? She's probably hungry.
• I've heard babies don't like cold cribs. Have you tried a heating pad?
• Maybe she is having dreams.
• Is she teething?
• Is she sick? She must not be feeling well.
• Have you given her any Tylenol?
• Is she too cold/hot?

These questions, and the thousands beyond, hurt because you assume we haven't investigated the problem ourselves. Sadly, what the problem is one night might not be the same the next night, so trust me, we don't have any lasting, fail-safe solution. 

 

In the concise words of my dear friend Katie (who makes the same point but in much sweeter prose):

 

I wish someone had told me this years ago, before I knew better:

If you know someone like me with babies who have trouble sleeping, don't assume we need advice.
We have read every book, every article, tried everything.
We are desperate for our babies to sleep better.
... We are probably a lot better informed than someone who's baby naturally sleeps a lot!
Unless we ask for advice,
all we need are hugs, encouragement, prayer, and tangible help for our weary minds and bodies.

Praying for all you other moms who are worn down by crying babies who won't sleep!

 

When you continue to ask, I know you say it is because "you're just curious." But what do you plan to do with my answers? You plan to create a strategy or solution to suggest to remedy our trial. I appreciate your desire to help, but sometimes it's more helpful to leave the wound to heal. I'm exhausted, I want answers, but God hasn't given us a solution so we just have to keep on living. When you ask, it's like asking me to take a u-turn and reconsider the difficulty of the trial.

 

Help me instead to move forward. Help me to focus on the things I can change and to trust God with the things I can't. Help me to not heap false guilt upon my very tired and pregnant soul. Sophia's sleep is in the hands of God and He knows exceedingly more than I ever will. For goodness sake, leave your expert opinions about sleep at the door and let's talk about the weather :)

Mom, Are You Desperate?

Today I had the exciting opportunity of meet with some ladies from my church to brainstorm ways to help desperate moms - moms who simply need to breathe. There are just a handful of us that we know of, but I'm sure there are more. Young moms who were unprepared for the onslaught of sleepless nights that lasted much longer than anyone could have expected (or endured without sanity taking a backseat), the overwhelming sense that accomplishing anything the way we used to was out of our grasp, the reduction or absence of adult conversation and fellowship, and/or the exhaustion resulting from moments with a strong-willed child. What encouragement lies beyond that shaken horizon? Is there help to be found? Where do we look for, and how do we access, relief?

 

There is hope. There is help. There is relief. Here. Now.

 

Titus 2:3-5 (Voice)
3 And here’s what I want you to teach the older women: Be respectful. Steer clear of gossip or drinking too much so that you can teach what is good 4 to young women. Be a positive example, showing them what it is to love their husbands and children, and teaching them to 5 control themselves in every way and to be pure. Train them to manage the household, to be kind, and to be submissive to their husbands, all of which honor the word of God.

 

Older moms, some not yet empty-nesters and not far removed from the little years, are rising up with compassion and understanding for the younger moms. They are remembering that season of life and the blessing they experienced when someone walked beside them without criticism or judgment of their mommy-methods. We have before us a beautiful opportunity for mentoring at its finest. Because sometimes it's not that a young mom isn't trusting in Jesus or trying her best to love her family; sometimes it's just hard! And that hard work can be oppressive and stifling. It can rock marriages and break hearts. And at the toughest moment, help in the form of an older mom walking with you is a breath of fresh air.

 

If you are a desperate mom, will you say so? Will you wave the white flag and join us as we refresh our souls?

 

7: Possessions

This is the third chapter. I'm halfway through. I've just been smacked in the face with this truth:

My church body could benefit from the liquidation of my excess food (ch.1), clothing (ch.2), and possessions (ch.3), but it is the desperately poor who NEED these and who will be most BLESSED! I have no friend that would see Christ through such an offering as those who are struggling daily to find food, clothing, and shelter. This is true justice: that Christians would take care of the poor and needy, not simply spread their wealth among each other.

The Books on my Nightstand

Have you ever noticed how books stacked nearly on a dresser or nightstand make a space feel cozy? Those books whisper, "Curl up and let me whisk you to another world." They are tantalizing! You sit down and at least open the cover asking yourself what hidden treasures could be trapped between two pieces of stiff cardboard.

 

I love books! There are at least 500 in our house. I love their shapes, textures, and contents. Hoarder? Guilty. But here's the shocker: I've only read a handful of them cover to cover. What?! If I love them so much, why not read to the end? Because all that reading takes time. Precious time! So I'm guilty of skimming. My books are resources.

 

So what's on my nightstand? What do I curl up with to relax and escape from the cares of this world?

The bubbles are for Sophia. Promise.

What? You thought that just because I enjoy the sight of stacked books with bindings facing the same direction that my own stack would look this way? Welcome to reality! My books get stacked nicely when I dust. Every other day of the week, they look like this!  

 

I've got my Bible in the big black zipper case stacked on top of a Martha Stewart Living that I REALLY want to read....it's from December. Then there's Red Dog. He's been floating around my house for a couple of years. A student of mine lent it to me and she won't take it back until I read it. So, it's there. I'm making an effort. In front, I've got my new book Babushka's Beauty Secrets, a gift for my birthday. It's fantastically fun. I doubt I've ever read it from cover to cover, but skimming seems to be best. This book is full of beauty concoctions made right in your very own kitchen. I tried the eye make-up remover last night: AMAZING! 1 Tablespoon EVOO + 2 Tablespoons Canola Oil. I will never buy eye makeup remover again. Then there are my go-to books Not by Chance and Trusting God. Both have been read in the past, and both are INCREDIBLE resources on the love and sovereignty of God. Regularly, I have to remind myself that the things happening in my life are ALWAYS for my good and God's ultimate glory, particularly when I can't understand why things seem to be going backwards or sideways instead of forwards. Finally there is 7: An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess that is patiently waiting in chapter 3. Some friends are doing a book study, and I HAVE to recommend this book. This is my first read-through. The author's style is quick and humorous, but the basic premise of the book is that we hoard and this hoarding enables us to trust more in our stuff than in God. When the stuff is removed, we find our true need and are able to love Him and serve others better.

 

What's on your nightstand?

 

Feeling Successful

Mommyhood has obviously taught me a lot, sometimes faster and harder things than I would prefer, but we've survived! One thing that I'm still working on with God is this annoying feeling that I'm not really doing anything. Yes, I run multiple loads of laundry, clean a ridiculous number of dishes and change a bazillion diapers, but am I really getting anything done? I like love lists. Lists help me feel organized and accomplished. They give me a ridiculous feeling of satisfaction. If I could, I might describe crossing off list items as an addiction. "Hi, I'm Lauren, and I'm a listaholic." Lists aren't evil in themselves, but they can become an idol to me if I'm not careful. I want to get through that list so badly, that I allow those feelings to cloud my judgment and effect my emotions. I can become short-tempered and frustrated when I just can't seem to get that bathroom clean! Then those feelings of frustration lead to feelings of anger and discouragement, and before I know it, I've got some resentment building. ---All that energy wasted in the name of accomplishment.

I'm not advocating list-exodus. Rather, I know in my heart that I have to guard myself against what the world tells me to believe is an "accomplishment". I've got to speak truth to myself, remind myself that I DID do something wonderful today --- I cared for a child given to us for just a short time!

Phil. 4:8 "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things." (ESV)

Sophia belongs to the Lord. He has graciously placed her into our arms to nurture and love. Each moment I spend loving her as God loves her, each moment I spend living the Gospel in front of her through serving her, is a MAJOR accomplishment! Sure, maybe the floor is only half mopped and the laundry stuck between washer and dryer, but I loved Sophia today. I unplugged the vacuum and only flat-ironed half of my hair so that I could demonstrate compassion. I only unloaded the silverware tray in the dishwasher, because God had a better task for me in wiping the runny nose.

 

Col. 3:12 "Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience." (NLT)

A few weeks ago, Brian came home with a box of Rice Krispies and a jar of marshmallow fluff. It had been one of those HARD days --- the kind where you don't even realize your putting dirty dishes in with the clean. He knows my heart and wanted me to have that sense of accomplishment, to be able to cross off a task that had waited over a year: Learn to Bake Rice Krispies Before Sophia is Born. Sometimes tasks have to wait. Sometimes they have to wait a LONG time. And sometimes waiting is REALLY difficult, especially when we try to tell ourselves that it IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING to get that livingroom straightened up RIGHT NOW. But waiting makes those less important tasks all the sweeter.

They turned out delicious and I learned that there is no BAKING required!

Budget Time

We've never had an official budget. Ever. We've always just tried our best to live below our means, bank the second income, and pay off all credit cards each month. That plan has worked very well so far, but it's time to take things to the next level.


Click HERE for your copy!
(From Google Drive,
 click on the down arrow to download,
then select Open when prompted.)

2013 will be the first year that I won't receive a W2. I tutor, but that hardly brings in over $1000 a year, so we're officially transitioning to a single-income household. What does that mean for us? It means we get focused! Our goal for 2013 is to be more intentional about saving, specifically directing money toward a college and general fund for Sophia, beefing up our emergency fund, setting aside specific amounts each month for the next car, and continuing to evaluate our other investments/retirement funds. Our goal is not wealth, but a means to pass on that which God has entrusted to us financially. This goal can't be accomplished by simply running the numbers in the head.
 

Proverbs 10:4      A slack hand causes poverty, but the hand of the diligent makes rich.

This week, we sat down and discussed how to create a budget that would work best for us. I spent about an hour looking online, but nothing I found had the right FEEL. My dad is an accountant. The budgets I saw growing up (at home, with investments, and with client accounts) were maintained using paper and pencil one-writes. I LOVE one-writes. I love the extra long paper, all those crazy numbers, and the straight columns that balance forward. Excel is similar to a one-write and faster, so Brian voted for that.


I spent a few days creating, designing, and redesigning a template that we could use for 2013 and the future. It's not perfect by any means. Because of our high-deductible insurance plan, we've got an HSA to pay for all medical, dental, vision, and pharmacy fees. The HSA (pretax account) is not reflected in the budget since the budget is based off of our net (take-home) income. The medical expenses are also not reflected. The bank that manages our HSA does a beautiful job of managing all this information for us, so it would be redundant to put it on the spreadsheet. However, it might be worthwhile to track this information for others, so I've added it to the bottom of the spreadsheet.

Please use this spreadsheet as you like. Change it! Manipulate it! Make it your own! (It won't print very nicely because it's huge, but we never intended to print.) Here are a few suggestions on how to get started:

1. Name each line item. Right now, I've made them generic (i.e., Income #1 and Trash). I find that it's easier to call things what they are (i.e., Brian's Job and Palmetto Waste) so that I can easily identify these items on my credit card or bank statements.
2. Begin with the Income section.
3. Look only at January (for the moment), and enter your "Budget" amounts. Since it's February, we just pulled up our bank statement and entered the total income Brian received for January into the "Budget" and "Actual" columns. He is paid bi-weekly, so typically it's just two pay periods per month. However, January has 3 pay periods, so we had to be mindful of that when entering the total income "Budget" for February, March, and so on.
4. Complete the "Budget" columns for the entire income section. Your totals will be reflected in the "Annual" section.
5. The "Annual" section (light yellow) is entirely based on equations. You can delete an equation (typically the sum of all "actual" or "budget" amounts for that row) and type in your own number if you like, though I would caution against it.
6. Now pick a section you want to work on next. We skipped down to "Monthly Expenses" and completed those monthly budget columns very quickly. Those numbers typically stay the same :)
7. "Monthly Flexible Expenses" are those that we have a bit more control over in their actual values. We tackled these next.
8. "Annual Expenses" took a bit of research and were treated slightly differently. We didn't budget "per month" for these items. Instead, we looked up each item (i.e., Property Tax), identified what month that item would be due (i.e., June), and budgeted the amount from the previous year plus $10 in the June budget column. All of the other budget columns for that line item are $0.
9. Now, evaluate what you can SAVE! Look at cell AC12. This cell tells you quickly what money you're supposed to have left over after subtracting all budgeted expenses from the budgeted income. We took that number, subtracted $5000 from it (because I really like to make sure I'm ALWAYS under budget), and then divided that remaining balance by 12. This gave us a goal, per month, of how much we could save. We then divvied up that per month amount into savings for Emergency, College, etc.

The hardest part is the "Budget" section! This is your GOAL line. Make it realistic, but hopeful too. For some budget items, we low-balled the number (i.e., shopping....because everyone needs to try to shop a bit less), and for other items in the savings category we budgeted more. Hopefully we'll be able to stick to our budget, but the big thing to keep in mind is that a BUDGET IS A GUIDE! Sometimes the budget needs to be a task-master when debt is an issue, I don't deny this, but take care to avoid enslavement. Thinking about a budget the wrong way prohibits you from reaching out to others who might be in need financially.

Trust God with your finances. Make wise decisions and evaluate your motives for spending in each category. Continue to give, and watch Him multiply your "mite" to use for His glory!

What is an A+ Mom?

Recently, I read an article about Post-Partum Depression. It was truly amazing and made some fantastic points. Read it with a grain of salt and ignore some of the crazy comments posted below the article, and the words become eye-opening.

I am guilty of buying into the cultural lie. It seems society is ever swinging on a large pendulum of what is "best." Today, we glorify stay-at-home-moms. Isn't it the BEST job in the world? Mothers provide for all the baby's needs! Mothers are always there to soothe a cry. No other caregiver could ever provide such love. Daycare, why that's a joke!

But is it? The last 11 months have opened my eyes to lies unimaginable, that Mommy Wars are somehow good for us; that mothers (and fathers) must compete with other mothers (and fathers) to provide the BEST care. But this kind of competition is destructive. There will never be an ultimate victor. Where a parent succeeds in one area, he/she will fail in another. There is no perfection this side of Heaven, folks.

I have been guilty of evaluating my successes (and failures) in parenthood based on the cultural lies that I should somehow base anything on what society deems the ultimate good. Society (currently) screams, "Breast is best! BEST! BEST! BEST!" But what about the mother who deeply desires to breast feed (because, for a number of non-sarcastic and proven reasons, it is BEST), but struggles all along the way? A mother who maybe doesn't produce enough milk, has inverted nipples, or is in pain all the time - even with a perfectly delightful pump recommended by her lactation consultant. What about the baby who can't latch properly? Do we condemn their attempts because it simply "didn't work for them"? Absolutely not! We should champion them and shout from the rooftops that it's BEST to do what's in the BEST interest of the baby AND the mother! That formula is OKAY! That bottle-feeding may bring more joy than breast is something we must all try to understand. I struggled for almost 5 months with breast-feeding. The supply was amazing, but we had so many hurdles to jump through that breast-feeding was incredibly isolating. I found myself feeling like a failure because I couldn't just whip up my shirt, put Sophia on, and go about my business while at lunch at a quaint café! Of course, I was wrong in that determination. I was guilty of comparing myself to my dear friends who found breast-feeding so simple and enjoyable. Once I found friends who struggled (and were willing to be transparent), I learned that there was entirely different standard I should be measuring myself against: the best interest of Sophia and Me. Does that mean that I now shun all those breast-is-best folks? No. They are doing what is in the best interest of their babies and their bodies! Victory is sure in BOTH situations.

And what about sleeping? Oh, sleeping. Another failure-ridden area of my parenting journey. Scheduling, sleeping, feeding, napping - there are thousands of books on the topic! I bought into that silly lie that with the right discipline, I would be able to control my child's sleep habits and create a happy environment for all. But that is not ENTIRELY true. Authors of these blessed books endeavor to give moms and dads STRATEGIES! (I love this definition of "strategy" by the kind folks of Merriam-Webster.) Strategies work for some and not for others. Think about all the different ways one can carve a pumpkin! Poke pins, use table knives, a jigsaw is great --- and they are all useful to an extent. Of all the books we read, I thought BabyWise and 12 Hours Sleep By 12 Weeks were top-notch! They were filled with amazing strategies to avoid those rookie mistakes (like putting your baby to bed after rocking for hours). However, they both, like many other books, had the pitfall of promising regular sleep patterns --- even for premies. I bought into the lie that I had failed because my child didn't sleep like "she should", she didn't get the "right hours" of total sleep and that's what caused her to continue to wake up. Oh, if only I could make her sleep because "sleep begets sleep", right? Maybe. Not always. Sophia will be one in just a few weeks, and we still wake up 1-3x a night at least 4 nights a week. She takes naps when she feels she needs to. Don't get me wrong, we provide scheduled nap times and make sure that she's in bed between 7-7:30pm, but she may lay awake talking or whimpering. Sometimes she is completely disinterested in a nap, so we give it 30 minutes and then go with the flow. Failure? No. Our only failure was measuring ourselves by the standard that society somehow sets that says ALL babies should do this or that. This standard prevailed even among the other first time moms I know. Were they wrong? No, they just had not experienced otherwise. Good for them if they had the best sleeper in the world! Congrats! That truly is wonderful. And yet congrats are also due to the parents of the sleepless kiddo. Good for them for making it through another 24 hours without restorative sleep! Have another cup of joe on me!

And what about the stay-at-home-mom? Well folks, don't be surprised when I tell you that it might not be for everyone. Sometimes moms must return to work because of money or insurance. Sometimes moms enjoy their kiddos more when they've had some time to work without them. (That's sounds terrible --- but does it really sound terrible? I doubt it!) There are days when I want to run back to a job outside of the home, when I seek an identity that can be measured. I never thought I would relish the day for PAS-T evaluations from my principal. Sometimes I want validation that I'm doing the right things and that I'm still "proficient" or even "exemplary" and staying-at-home doesn't afford those kinds of evaluations. Sometimes I want to work simply for the community. Being at home with a baby (who doesn't have a very large vocabulary or world-view) can be tedious. Sure, playdates are great, but it's not the same. My resolution is that some moms should simply be championed for doing what's best for them so that they can best care for their kiddos! I'm planning to stick-out my stay-at-home duties because I think that is truly what is best for Sophia and I, but I wouldn't turn a nose up at any parent who preferred daycare for the right reasons.

We must put away the mommy wars and petty competition. We must surround each other with encouragement and understanding. Child-rearing isn't easy. Maybe it seems so during that first year for parents of the miracle sleeper-eater, but the teenage years are coming. No child will ever fit into one perfect mold, so let's champion the parents who encourage their kids to "be kids" as well as the parents who want the best for their kiddos and set constructive boundaries and schedules! Let's change our minds. I know I have!.....(and will continue to try to as those slippery lies of failure and doubt continue to creep up)....

Dear Ann

My sister-in-law gave me a beautiful book last year, or maybe it was the year before, I can't remember. I can't remember when she gave it to me because my life was zooming by at lightning speed. I was barely taking enough time to breathe before trying to attack my next task. "My name is Lauren, and I am a workaholic." Of course this addiction to finish task after task, to check off my life as quickly as possible may have been the sole reason I can't remember exactly when Rebecca gave me an oxygen-filled book. I read through it, to check it off. I remember the theme was thankfulness and there was a bird's nest on the cover. Sadly, I am sure this was NOT the response Rebecca was praying for when she gave me this gift.

1,000 Gifts.

No...that's the name of the book. One Thousand Gifts. Have you read it? Have you taken a moment to breathe in the middle of your chaotic day? I found myself leafing through its pages recently. This time, oxygen filling the room. And I, taking the moment, to breathe it all in.

Ann Voskamp, author, shares her journey of learning to live fully within the moment simply by focusing not on the list of today-tomorrow-next week, but on the gifts of joy that God gives in the moment. It's the sunlight that reflects off the hardwood floors, the song of birds in the middle of winter.

I started my list. Have you? Take just a minute - 60 seconds - and look around. What beauty do you see, hear, smell, taste, or feel? Write it down. Remember it. Remember that that simple thing was placed in your life at that exact moment by a God who knows you intimately and loves you beyond words.

Art vs. Idols

Today was the conclusion of a two-part message on the creation of art by God's image bearers - humans. Our friend Matt Moreau taught on the subject and I'll have to admit that at first I positioned myself on the outside of the discussion. I am NO artist. I cannot draw or paint and struggle to match paint colors! However, I was pleasantly surprised to learn that I am actively creating, just like my heavenly Father, but on a very reduced level of skill!

Matt's biggest take-away from the lesson was to ask ourselves where our gaze ends in relation to every form of creation/art. Are we simply awed by a beautiful recipe, enamored by the way fabrics come together, or impressed by a website's design? Or are we drawn to reflect on our Creator when we view such things? The creation of tasty meals, marvelous floor plans, and the more traditional fine arts of illustrations, painting, and writing can all reflect on the character of God and minister grace. The litmus test for artwork is then based on Philippians 4:8-9. Art that draws our gaze to Christ rather than simply the creation follows these principles.
-True: Regardless of the positive or negative message that is conveyed in the piece, the work must be true.
-Honorable/Dignified: The work must honor God's creation. Matt gave the example of modern art that disfigures humans into emmaciated creatures. This is NOT how God intended humans to look. We bear His image!
-Just/Pure: The work is moral. Matt gave the example of the statue of David versus the hideousness of pornography. Both pieces showcase nudes; however, the David conjures pure thoughts of beauty that God created, while the latter produces lust.
-Lovely: The work is aesthetically beautiful, like the sunset over Greenville.
-Good Report: The work allows us to directly reflect on the character of God. Handel's Messiah is an example of art that causes the hearer to think on Christ and His perfect salvation.
-Excellent/Praiseworthy: The art demonstrates mastership of the medium.
Following Matt's message, I was encouraged to think about my attempts at learning to cook and sew. I may not has mastership of the medium, but each time I attempt to create I can now focus more on God's creative work around me. It is His earth that brings together delicious meals, and His nature that inspires the fabrics I use!